Twas the Night Before Christmas

dawinner127 · Dec 26, 2020

HomeoftheJets said: ↑

There wasn't one last year, and so far I don't see one this year either, so here's my version of Twas the Night Before Christmas. Probs to @DeathByJets for making some great ones over the years, I tried my best to live up to your legend.

'Twas the night 'fore last Sunday, when all through the place
Not a creature was stirring, not even Coach Gase;
The draft slots were set on the whiteboard with care,
In hopes Trevor Lawrence soon would be there.

Jets fans were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of Super Bowls danced in their heads;
And Douglas in his hoodie, and Chris in his cap,
Had figured a loss to the Rams was a snap.

When out on the field there arose such a shocker,
That every Jets fan fell clean off his rocker.
Away from my TV I flew like a flash,
Tore open my cupboard and lit up my hash.

My tears welled up, but I didn’t want to show it,
Cause frankly, I knew this whole time that they'd blow it.
When what on my phone at once did appear,
But a text from a friend saying, "Wait till next year."

I turned back to my TV cause I'm a hopeless lifer,
And there on the set was the face of Mel Kiper.
To project to the Jets his prospects of acclaim,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now, Sewell! now, Parsons! Now Fields and Chase!
On, Wilson! on, Smith! On, Waddle and Paye!"
I screamed to the heavens with an almighty call!
To trade away! trade away! trade away all!

As happens every year the Jets get our hopes high,
When they meet with an obstacle, crash from the sky;
So in the depths of despair, there out of the blue
With a sleigh pulled by Jaguars, was Gardner Minshew!

I heard, in a twinkling, with a dropped lower jaw
The prancing and pawing of each Jaguar claw.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Minshew came with a bound.

He was dressed in blue overalls, from his head to his foot,
And he wore a white headband blackened with soot;
A bundle of footballs he had in a sack,
And he looked like Uncle Rico when he dropped back.

His eyes—how they twinkled! his soul patch, how merry!
His cap he wore backward, his head was so hairy!
His pair of sunglasses fixed tight to his nose,
And the 'stache on his lip was as black as charcoal.

The skin of a Bear he held tight in his teeth,
And a whip for a Colt he kept in his sheath
He was back at full strength and in case you were doubtin'
He took out a football and threw it over them mountains.

He was sweaty and jacked, and his hair was a mess,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of the Jets;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know the Jets tank was not dead.

He spoke but one sentence before he went to his work,
"My friend, I must say, your coach is a jerk."
And running his finger along his glorious 'stache,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he dashed.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
He'd do his best to stop Trevor from giving him a dismissal.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas Jets fans, I'll try to make it all right!"
Click to expand...

Really awesome. A lot of new people probably don't know about these poems before Christmas but they were brilliant and something to look forward to every year.

Thank you for the laugh @HomeoftheJets! Well done, Sir.

Poeman · Dec 26, 2020

Only way St. Minshew playing now is if Glennon injures himself.

Jags want to lose both games and made a qb switch

HomeoftheJets · Dec 27, 2020

patleahy said: ↑

HomeofTheJets deserves a free Jets t-shirt, courtesy of CMAN and Brook! for actually writing that. Or at the very least an Adam Gase AND Sam Darnold autographed NY Jets game ball!!!!
Click to expand...

Thanks man! Sounds great, just if we could have the ball be signed by Sam only, it would be even better.

HomeoftheJets · Dec 27, 2020

Poeman said: ↑

Only way St. Minshew playing now is if Glennon injures himself.

Jags want to lose both games and made a qb switch
Click to expand...

Hopefully St. Minshew can work up some Christmas magic to jinx the Jaguars into a win from the sidelines.

Twas the Night Before Christmas

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