The NFL has decided that high profile celebrity romances will give you an extra boost in ratings on gameday, so we're going to need to re-think things this offseason. We are going to need to define a Big Board of possible celebrity gifriends for Jets players now. I have listed scouting categories, and avoided the obvious and low-rent qualities like looks and physical attributes since this is a family forum and we are all gentlemen. 1) Star Power 2) Net Worth 3) Team Fit 4) Player Fit 5) Intangibles I'm open to more categories in order to have a more robust scouting profile. I'll throw the first name out there: Lady Gaga ****************************************** BIG BOARD (currently unranked) Lady Gaga Jersey Shore bimbo (TBD) Dua Lipa Ariana Grande Insurance Commercial Broad (TBD) Megan Thee Stallion Jenn Sterger (Favre dick pic chick) Adele Madonna Selena Gomez Kylie Jenner Kendall Jenner Alexandra Daddario Suzy Almeida Miley Cyrus Anderson Cooper Gisele Bundchen Sydney Sweeney Rihanna Kate Beckinsale A twin daughter of Roger Goodell (TBD) Hoda Korb
Is there anyone from Jersey Shore that's available? Not that famous but the team fit would be near perfect.
Eh, those ladies wouldn't move the needle. I rate them a 2 out of 10 in Star Power, slightly above an established Instagram Model.
I mean this is the franchise that wheeled out DJ Smoove for the big uniform unveiling. I’m pretty sure D-list celebrities are all you’re gonna get.
New rule: Let's assume that Woody Johnson (and by extension, Hymie Elhai) is excluded from the dating process.
She's slightly off her game but now single and looking for a comeback. I was thinking, we might need to build a team to combine Star Power. No one draft pick will compete with Taylor Swift. We may need to accumulate Star Power with a luxury box filled with draft picks, all high-fiving each other. We could end up with multiple first downs in the first half ALONE.
Megan Thee Stallion would probably work. They only show about 40 of her Planet Fitness commercials on a broadcast.
I'll do my best. Stefani Germanotta aka Lady Gaga scouting report 1) Star Power (4 out of 5) a couple years ago it was a solid 5 stars but her fame has faded the last couple years. A high profile relationship with an NFL (Jets) player could get it back though, especially if she releases a new album and tour around the same time. 2) Net Worth (3.5 out of 5) nothing to scoff at by any means but the standard has been set with Swift and she's a tier $$$ below 3) Team Fit (3 out of 5) It should be higher. She's a NYer through and through. I just dont see her as a NY Jets wife. We need someone a little rough around the edges given our history. I also think she could be a lesbian. 4) Player Fit(s) Aaron Rodgers, Nick Bawden, Jeremy Ruckert, Michael Clemons 5) Intangibles She could sing the national anthem to drive up ratings. And her hit song 'Born this Way' is a good way to describe Jets fans
Kylie Jenner is my top pick I think. here is her scouting report Kylie Jenner 1) Star Power (3.5 out of 5) She's super famous but it is easier for singers or actresses to hold onto the star power. She has to make the news. 2) Net Worth (4.5 out of 5) Isn't she rich as hell from make-up or something for her DSLs 3) Team Fit (5 out of 5) Jets and the Kar-trashians? come on now. A match made in NY Post back pages heaven 4) Player Fit(s) Sauce Gardner, Zach Wilson, Garrett Wilson 5) Intangibles Keeping up with the Kardashians every week right before Hard Knocks
Unranked Big Board updated in the op, currently unranked. Browning Nagle has submitted early scouting data. I'll submit Kendall Jenner
alexandra daddario. Run of the mill prospect in categories 1-2, but has amazing intangibles that make her a perfect fit for any team or player... If they are into that kind of thing.
