Week 16 Rooting Guide: Down but not out

I put one of these up last week, and people seemed to like it. At the very least, it's easier than digging through the Playoff Picture thread, so whatever.

After the Jets loss today, we don't need to just win out, we need to get some help. If we finish with the same number of wins as Miami, we're out, and the same goes for Jacksonville. I can't imagine that we'd be in over Baltimore, Denver, or Pittsburgh, but we do hold the tiebreaker over the Texans and Titans, for whatever that's worth. There are a ton of teams at 7-7, but the Jets need the 8-6 teams to lose too, and we're facing an uphill climb facing the Colts.

That said, here's who to root for, week 16:

New York Jets to beat Indianapolis Colts
Why? Don't be a retard.

Houston Texans to beat Miami Dolphins
Why? With both teams at 7-7, root for the team the Jets own the tiebreaker over.

Pittsburgh Steelers to beat Baltimore Ravens
A Steelers win puts both teams at 8-7, and the Jets own the tiebreaker over the Steelers, but not Baltimore.

New England Patriots to beat Jacksonville Jaguars
Why? This depends on whether you'd rather hold out hope or stick to your convictions. When you realize that the Jets making the playoffs is pretty much impossible, you'll feel dirty, but until it's official, root against the team that holds the tiebreaker. The AFC East is clinched.

Philadelphia Eagles to beat Denver Broncos
Why? The Broncos are in the 5 spot right now, at 8-6, and a loss would bring them down to the increasingly growing group of teams at 8-7.

Tennessee Titans to beat San Diego Chargers
Why? Again, I'm not really sure of the tiebreak scenarios, but the more teams involved the better it probably is for the Jets, and we own the edge over the Titans.

Cincinnati Bengals to beat Kansas City Chiefs
Why? After a rough week, and a rough loss this week, the Bengals are still pretty much set for the playoffs. A beatdown on KC would be an emotional release, and who knows if they'd be up for Week 17?