Please post your favorite, I didnt get past the second paragraph before I busted: http://weblogs.newsday.com/sports/football/jets/blog/ Oh baby talk dirty to me please.
i was very disturbed by this thread before i entered... but wow i had not heard that quote and i freaking dig it. lets get it on.
Im not sure if you can plead no homo anymore. There has to be a limit on how many times you can use it.
Working at a tuxedo shop can be real boring. Other than holidays and prom season, it isn't unusual to work an entire night and not have a single customer. One Thursday night I was working and it was completely dead. I was sitting in the back watching TV when the bell rang, which meant someone entered the store. I walked to the front to see who had entered the store. When I reached the counter, I'm sure my mouth fell open when I saw the huge stud that had just walked in the door. He was standing at the counter. After looking a little closer, I could swear I knew him from somewhere. "Can I help you," I said. "Hey, I'm Rex. I need to get a tux for a football banquet that I have to attend. I hate these banquets, but I have to go," he said. "I think our team is registered here." That was it. I didn't watch that much professional football, but I had seen him on TV. Rex was the coach of the professional football team from my hometown. This is one of the good perks of working at a tux shop; you get to measure, fit, and touch all different types of men. Football players were very fun and hot to measure, but extremely difficult to fit. The coaches were also a delight to work with. It is difficult to find the correct sizes. But I don’t mind, considering. "I thought I'd seen you somewhere. I watch some of the games, but I have to work on most of the weekends." I said. He just smiled and I went to work. I took all of the measurements that I needed and went to the back and got the pants and shoes for him to try on. The pants and shoes are the only items during the fitting that you actually try on. This is so you can get a measurement for the pants, and make sure your legs and ass will fit into the size pants that your waist calls for. The other items are not tried on until you pick up your tuxedo. Over the years, I've picked up on a trick. The tuxedo pants that we use are adjustable for 3 inches around the waist. For example, the same pair of pants that will fit a man with a waist of 36" will also fit a man with a 38" waist. There is a slide buckle on both hips to adjust for the waist size. My trick? Well give a man with a 38" waist, a pair of pants that fits 36"-38", but tighten the slide to the smallest setting to fit a 36" waist. The result? He opens the dressing room door with his pants wide open and says, "These are too tight, I can’t get them buttoned." Then you just have to help him with the adjustments (on his hips). Well, needless to say, I gave Rex a pair of pants adjusted to the smallest size. "Here you go, Rex. Try these pants and shoes on, and step out so I can get the length measurement." I said. Rex took the items and went into the dressing room to change... After a few minutes, Rex opened the door, stepped into the hallway, and said, "I think I need a larger size pants. I can't get these buttoned." Right on cue, I thought to myself. Rex was standing in the hallway in front of me with his shirt lifted so I could get a good look at his pants (among other things). His pants were fine, but they were not buttoned or zipped. I looked down at his crotch and my eyes followed the trail of hair down his stomach to a nice bush of pubic hair. It was then that I realized: HE WAS NOT wearing underwear. I'm sure Rex could tell that I reacted from the lack of underwear. I just stood there for a minute staring. (Wait 'til you hear what happens next. The Story Continues here) no homo
He got me... It's pretty impressive to see all these players jump ship for their defensive coach. I guess he's a player's coach.
