So the kid just got of school and he got into the car with his mom. The mom asks, "What did you do at school today?" The kid replies, "I had sex with the teacher." The mom was furious so when they got home, she told him to go to his room and wait for his father to come home. Well the father came home from work a couple hours later and the mother told him what their son said. The dad walks up to his sons room and says, "Son, I'm proud of you. I'm going to buy you a new bike." Later that day they got the bike and the father asks, "Would you like to try it out?" The son replies, "Not now. My butt still hurts."
What were the first words out of junc's mouth as a toddler? "Hey!.....who turned off the sports?!!!!"
A man gets a call that his wife is giving birth. He races to the hospital, and waits eagerly in the waiting room. Eventually the doctor comes out with an odd look on his face. "What's wrong doctor? Is my baby ok? Is it a boy or a girl?" The doctor looks up at him. "It's the damndest thing. Your baby is a miracle, sir," he says. The doctor leads the man into a room, where the baby is laying soundly, cuddled up in a blanket. "Your baby can float. It's amazing! Watch!" The doctor lifts the child up a couple inches from the bed, then drops it. Nothing happens. "What are you doing?" says the man. "Let me get my child and leave!" "No, no, no! You have to see this. It did it before!" He picks up the child again, but this time drops it onto the floor. The baby hits the ground with a solid thud. Totally distraught, with tears in his eyes, the man pleads for the doctor to stop. "No, no, no! He totally did it! You HAVE to see this. It's a miracle!" The doctor picks the child up off the ground, and throws it out the window. The baby falls several stories and explodes on a car! "OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" screams the man. "Don't worry about it. The baby was a still-born. Haha! You should have seen the look on your face!" _____________________________________ What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics? Not being a fucking retard. ________________________________________ The Boston Marathon bomber did something Hitler couldn't which was end an entire race. __________________________________________ What's the best thing about getting a blowjob from an Ethiopian? You know she'll swallow. ____________________________________________ Two nuns walking through the park. Two men jump out, grab them both, drag them into the bushes, ripped off the nuns habits and begin to rape them. "Oh, Father", cries the first nun, "forgive him, he knows not what he does!" The second nun yells "Mine does!!"
Ssssssssssssssoooooooooooooo..... This college kid decides to take a job working as a hand on a sheep ranch. He gets the idea it is generally remote, but is not sure exactly where the ranch is. The day comes to travel to the ranch. The college kid gets off the plane, gets on the bus, and it's several more hours, going through a couple of small towns, eventually no signs of any settlements, and eventually it comes to a stop. He gets out and there's the ranch. The college kid works for a few days, and then on break one day asks one of the old hands there, "Hey, I noticed we are really out in the middle of nowhere here. I know the weekend's coming up, so what do you guys do for fun?" And the old hand says "Yeah, we sure are out in the midddle of nowhere. Too far to go anywhere for fun on the weekend. But don't worry, there's always the sheep." And the college kid says "The sheep? What do you mean?" And the old hand says "Well let me tell you, you get down behind one of them babies, and let her have it and you'll see, it's great!" The college kid responds with much disgust, "Oh that's awful! I would never do something like that!" And walks away with a sour look on his face. A few weeks go by, the college kid never having left the ranch, and it's break time, with several hands lying around. All of a sudden the college kid jumps up, yells "I can't take it anymore!", goes running out into the field, gets behind one of the sheep, and let's her have it. After he finishes, he comes back to the other hands and notices they are all falling down hooting and laughing at him. Genuinely confused, he says "I thought you guys all did that with the sheep, so what is it?" And th old hand says "Yeah, but you picked the ugliest one!"
